poetry critical

online poetry workshop



no title
chloris

when i walk among wolves
 1
my dark muse expands
 2
like brave catwalk
 3
it delivers
 4
 
 
those eyes you shouldn't have stared at
 5

june 2018

4 Oct 18

Rated 8 (8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 8, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(65 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

This does not make sense.
 — unknown

do you?
 — unknown

last line is not making much sense. should we more scared of the muse?
 — unknown

this makes total sense, it's a dark streaming of danger. it's like what we all do when we're in a alien place: we get aware and ready.

clean, tight writing. twists me into seeing.
 — cadmium

A "catwalk" cannot "deliver" anything, and that is just one thing to put this piece into the "nonsense" bracket.
Below is a definition of "catwalk."

catwalk
[ˈkatwɔːk]

NOUN
a platform extending into an auditorium, along which models walk to display clothes in fashion shows.
a narrow walkway or open bridge, especially in an industrial installation.

By the same reasoning a "catwalk" cannot be "brave."
And by the same reason "muse" cannot "expand" like  a "brave catwalk."
because a "brave catwalk" cannot expand into anything because it does not exist.
Jeez the dumbness of this writing is incredible.
You need to realise that some of your readers will no all be morons.
 — unknown

unk of catwalk and a dictionary up your butt, the poet defines the words in a poem. each poem is in its own language. we have to learn the language of the poem and the poet.

a catwalk is a verb. joining the two together gives an immediacy you can't get with a prosaic listing of meanings.

christ, you're so boring i can't even get into you and where your head's at. it's like becoming a can of dinty moore stew. just open your eyes and read without raping the words to suit your tiny needs.
 — cadmium

funny unk. the cat will fly for you if you can't think enough. are you even new to poetry? & hey, i wrote this. show your baby at least?
 — unknown

Quote:
funny unk. the cat will fly for you if you can't think enough. are you even new to poetry? & hey, i wrote this. show your baby at least?
 — unknown

Once again; the quote above is unintelligible and shows that you need to study the English language more thoroughly.

That you post on a site that is supposed to be for "critique" is laughable. Your original post is nonsense!! That you cannot accept that does not bode well for your progression. Keep writing garbage, it's no skin of our noses.
 — unknown

critical unk, you sound like you learned english as a foreign language. you think and write like 1959, year of your text book. you learned a dead language, and your style is "washing the dead".
 — cadmium

critical unk, you sound like you learned english as a foreign language. you think and write like 1959, year of your text book. you learned a dead language, and your style is "washing the dead".
 — cadmium

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are delusional.
 — unknown

I like the first 2 lines.  a strong start methinks.  the last 3 lines are a bit cryptic.  there are times when some of my lines are a tad obtuse and I like to try to remedy that with a clarifying title.  not saying it's necessary for you but I'm thinking the last 3 lines could be expanded, as line 2 suggests :J
 — JKWeb

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