poetry critical

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Women in the Waiting Room
unknown

Women fidget in the waiting room,
 1
among wide-screen televisions,
 2
coffee and magazines,
 3
strategically positioned
 4
to distract the feet of fear
 5
from roaming the room,
 6
tampering with thoughts.
 7
 
 
They dress in terry-cloth robes
 8
for easy access to their chests--
 9
ready to be examined and x-rayed
 10
by doctors  and machinery.
 11
 
 
Some expose shoulder length locks.
 12
Some wear wigs and caps.
 13
Others expose hairless heads
 14
that once waved sun kissed tresses,
 15
snatched away by radiation.
 16
All are aware that hair
 17
speaks for women,
 18
voluntarily or involuntarily.
 19
 
 
Some are complete strangers.
 20
Some met at Susan Komen walks.
 21
Others attend mutual support groups.
 22
All share a warm sisterhood,
 23
securely wrapped with pink ribbons.
 24
 
 
Some share stories
 25
of tears and burning skin.
 26
Some share stories
 27
of  hope and remission.
 28
Others sit silently,
 29
but listen attentively
 30
to their fellow patients.
 31
All have a voice to voice
 32
about their journeys
 33
to this waiting room.
 34
 
 
Some await annual mammograms.
 35
Some await chemotherapy.
 36
Others await biopsies.
 37
All hope for positive news
 38
beyond this waiting room.
 39

22 Oct 18

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Comments:

The horror of this affliction well depicted
 — larrylark

Thank you, Larrylark.  I was just wondering if this poem had any merit.
 — unknown

I am still editing this poem.  I am open to suggestions.
 — unknown

this is descriptive realism.

try to focus on a few images to sell one or two major points/ contrasts.

eg

use wig, artificial breasts as  futile ways to fool or stall death.  or one comment on breasts and how they gave life and now death. lots of themes here.
 — unknown

Good points, Unknown.  I will consider your suggestions.  Thank you for them.
 — unknown

http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/89775/
 — unknown

http://www.poet rycritical.net/read/89775/
 — unknown

www.poetrycriti cal.net/read/89775/
 — unknown

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