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Today, the wind took me away
vida

I've come to see the error
 1
that flaw, artistically so deep
 2
on nature's cruel and unprepared
 3
adventures of the weep
 4
as tomorrow carries away
 5
our hopes of today
 6
emptied in these few lines
 7
blown away, in the winds of this November
 8
I'll come to see the wonder
 9
stripped down to the core of my Remember
 10
 
 
 
 
-JKWeb
 11
 
 
I've come to see the error
 12
that flaw so deep
 13
on nature's cruel and unpredictable
 14
tide left us weeping
 15
tomorrow carries away
 16
our hopes of today
 17
emptied in these few lines
 18
swept away, in the winds of this November
 19
I'll come to see the wonder
 20
stripped down to the core of my memory
 21

3 Nov 18

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Comments:

quite a nice read but I do have a few suggestions.  
maybe omit "artistically" from 2?  not sure it's needed
maybe replace "unprepared" with 'unpredictable' in 3?
line 4, maybe change to something like "tide left us weeping' ?
in 8, maybe replace "blown" with 'swept'?
line 10, maybe replace "Remember" with 'memory'?
sorry for all the recommendations but I think that a few modifications could make it much more impactful.
 — JKWeb

Alright, so here it is... all your changes lol thougths?
 — vida

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