poetry critical

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Girl From The Past
larrylark

Was it not her,
 1
pinch faced in the cold,
 2
holding both her arms in close,
 3
tight to her sides?
 4
How many lies had lain behind
 5
my long ago eyes
 6
as she tried to hurry,
 7
worried i'd notice
 8
she had picked up pace to pass
 9
avoiding face to face.
 10
I called "Hi!"
 11
There was not the remotest chance
 12
that she'd reply.
 13

8 Nov 18


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Comments:

It is a good poem about a chance meeting from someone in the past. I would like to know more about what you are feeling, what she might be feeling (maybe use the environment to show it?). It captures and tells the scene well, but I just wanted more detail. More emotion. Well done.
 — unknown

Thanks for the crit unknown it was much appreciated.

Larry from long ago Lark
 — larrylark

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