poetry critical

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With feathers in her hair, she comes.

With feathers in her hair,
she comes,
and for the life of me I can't
figure out why she wears feathers,
Celtic-blooded as she is.
But twisting in the wind
as they do now,
She is so Lovely.
She is my blue-eyed enigma,
my moon-faced, barefooted,
beautiful mystery.
And when she attacks me with
her passionate words and her
ideology, her utopian dreams,
I can only sit and listen
because she overwhelms me.
Her convictions are so pure.
Can I be blamed
when her half-hearted,
childish anger makes me smile?
Am I wrong when I
provoke her with cynic remarks
just to see the stubborn
set of her ever-pale face?
Will I go to Hell
because someone like me
claimed her love?
She wears silver
and dances when she thinks
that no one is there to see.
And when she comes,
there are feathers in her hair.

14 Jul 04

Rated 8 (7.4) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (30): 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 3, 4, 4, 7, 7, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(10 users consider this poem a favorite)

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i love this.
beautiful piece.
 — shakeit

i feel strangely moved. nice work.
 — jak

Nothing to add, except that this is terrific.
 — OKcomputer

Ditto to the first three.
 — FangzOfFire

I am amazed to come back to this and find it so highly-rated. Thank you, all.
 — Kain

you deserve it, is all i can say. wish i had more to comment, but all i really want to say is this is great. and great. and it actually deserves to be on recent best. now go comment on one of mine. *laughs*
 — wendz

I like all of this except Moon faced.  That phrase always makes me think vapid and empty, sort of an idiotic look, although it appears you mean it to be something pale and luminous.   Other than that, this is tight and clear.  Nice bright writing.
 — Isabelle5

Moon faced always makes me think of the magic far away tree, so i like the reference. Not terrific, but pretty close.
 — badger

It's amazing how high someone can rate without the requisite comments... thine own rating hand maybe, Kain?
 — unknown

love it. 7
 — unknown

unknown-- I resent that highly, and if you're going to insult me, at least sign your name you coward.
 — Kain

Anyway, I see eight comments not made by myself and the one made by you, and then nine ratings. Please try to contain your inferiority complex and leave me and my work in peace, thank you.
 — Kain

Well Done.  I usually only comment on poems I like or poems that I can relate to or maybe; poems I wish were my own.  This is a good simple poem about someone you have met recently and it conveys the love felt very well with-out getting into excessive imagery.

Well Done again.  
 — Champ

i don't like 25-27.... they seem out of place. other than that, bravo. (9)
 — omega

so beautiful, kain.  Well done.
 — akiikii

it's darned close to a ten.  incredible!
 — Angelfire

Beuatiflully languid yet it ratains its masculine perspective.
I like it.
I envy this. Good work.
 — unknown

loved it
 — Unheard

I'd probably like this if I was in a lovey dovey mood. But at the moment, I'm not.
SO i WONT rate it, as it would be unfair
 — silly

awww, it's so pretty and vivid, and yay, i feel the love!
 — sassybnyss

This is...
 — Slip

This is amazing.  Absolutely wonderful.  
 — Keesa

i am not in lovey mood either, but i still loved it.
 — duffyj83

Clean, moving, inspirational even.
I checked the books, and you can only be sent to 'Heck' for that unless she's a minor.
I always liked the flow of 'assail' over attack, but I don't really see that being the difference between getting published and toilet paper.
I do not think this poem could be improved upon.
 — Adarro

More. I want more like this one. Give me more!
 — CantTell

this is so beautiful!
nice work!
 — unknown

This is beautifully done . . . simply touching!
 — slancho

I love it, and a poem like this makes you worthy of her so dont worry about 25-27
 — unknown

I love it
 — orange

love is confusing and beautful.  I hate love, but like your poem.
 — Bitterman

wow, its hard to describe wat i feel bout this poem- i love it!
i wish more guys wrote stuff like this. congrats to u and who ur writing bout!
 — unknown

This reminded me of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

It's been in my favorites for a long time!!
 — OKcomputer

"Cynic" is a noun, not an adjective.

I love this. Favorited.
 — meaka

I know who you wrote this for,tsk..tsk...tsk
 — unknown