this light blue bucket
faded to it
not steel but the handle is
used for water, mostly
and sits at the cistern
where i bathe
it's not too heavy
when loaded, even so
you shiver as it fills
so only go halfway.
29 Jul 04
Rated 5 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (2): 5, 7
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Have you ever read 'My Granite Pail' by Lorine Niedecker? Is this supposed to be some sort of horrible pastiche? Vile and pointless.
pointless, precisely. vile?
Vile is harsh and I'm sorry - but it appears as a pointless pastiche of the work of at least one great Objectivist poet - I know we learn by imitation and all that, but I took against this - it could be the lower case 'i'.
i've never heard of your great objectivist poet, unless you mean me.
...and i take it that you are no fan of marcel duchamp's mona lisa.
You could have written about love, hate, birth, death etc etc, yet you chose to write about a bucket. You've totally cornered the whole bucket market, an "untapped" resource....
thank you silly. i once knew a beautiful person who shares your name.
this is obviously
about a bucket.
ha! this has a six.
Where does 'faded to it' fit in?
it sounds like you used the handle for water?
mostly and sits at the cistern where I bathe? <
With regard to the latter part of my last comment.
What I mean is, without punctuation, the sense is lost.
simple, yet complex.
foolish, childish, wise and mature.
L7 -- have you thought of the Newtonian reference you've (inadvertently?) made?
excellent little poem.
faded to it? To what or from what?
Not steel but the handle is - is steel or does that line continue to "the handle is used for water?" Punctuation would clear that right up for you.
It feels as if there are some words missing.
I wonder if you should change "you" to I, since you used I in line 6. It's yourself who is shivering, right? Is this a public bathing place?
A little hard to follow for me.
this is a poem about me.