poetry critical

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how wonderful the bones of the fish,
perfectly designed, generously ordained;
needles in haystacks, requiring reserve,
demanding we eat at just the right pace.

8 Aug 04

Rated 10 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (5): 3, 7, 8, 8, 9

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I quite like this- it manages to be almost fable like, almost a moral platitude, but without being preachy. The feeling of actual interest and hm, wonder? study? something of the sort is very palpable.

The only part I'm not sure about is the use of "ordained" in l.2; what is it that you are exactly intending that to mean? That the bones are so carefully planned out? Ordained seems ponderous, a bit cumbersome compared to the other phrases.
 — dandy

i think this poem is wonderfully illustrated and achieves a brilliant balance of foreground, middleground and background. the composition is unique and its sense of scale is monumental. the play of light and shadow delights and the application of the medium is politely aggressive. the choice of subject matter is universal, yet personal, and the overall effect is aesthetically sophisticated.
 — gnormal

these are two of the most mature critiques i have yet to recieve at p.c. and i agree with them both. (although i think i've read one of them somewhere before, i think it was 'boilerplatecritique.com) dandy, you really stuck me on this one, yes, that was the intention with 'ordained' and it's a word i struggled with a bit and still not sure about either. good on ya mate.
 — hank

get ya hand of it gnormal.. what the hell was that!?  

is this a religious poem?

the only part that im having issue with is that is they are not "planned out" generously if they force us to eat with reserve.

but then again im reading this pretty literally at the moment cos i havent had a spare chance to read the bible as yet.. if this is indeed a religious poem.

i feel unhelpful

 — unknown

hank-- this is my new favorite piece by you.  those crits are awesome, too.  would that every poem got that kind of help!  i have nothing to add to them, other than my approval.
 — root

i didn't intend this to be a religious poem.  i sure as hell was speaking directly about Providence however.

mj your always a help ya wanka. (post more poems)
 — hank

Yuck! I HATE fish!!
 — unknown

yum fish
 — unknown

Not my taste, but i can see how others like it!
 — unknown

fish or the poem?
 — hank

Original idea and flawless execution. One of the best poems I've read on FP.
 — oksana

a beautifully observed and written piece - a bit like an extract from an ettiquette manual :)
 — opal

 — Roz

thanks oksana, opal and roz. sorry i haven't gotten to all of your poems yet. trying.
oksana, noticed you've taken yours. silly.
 — hank