|its a song, once again, repetition. comments on subject matter and other parts of that would be appreciated more than comments on format, as those do me no good.|
Oh glorious star,
today's the day that you
make way for apathy.
Why shine at all?
When there’s nothing but darkness
will your light keep the cosmos ablaze?
And I will burn,
deep into the night
where dreams overtake sight.
Oh, to burn,
a beacon so bright you'll
find your way back to me.
The Universe explodes
and separation occurs, but
never fear, my love.
I will carry you through
such trials that make eternal
the sounds of our names.
I will burn,
deep into the night,
where dream overtakes sight.
a beacon so you may
find your way back to me.
The only fear is of my soul's recession,
but I know our love will never extinguish;
no matter how many times creation may blink in and out.
9 Aug 04
Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Inactive (3): 1, 8, 8, 8
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I like this, but I'm not exactly sure why...I just do. Only thing I got is L11-12 and their companions, L23-24, seem just a tad cliche. I guess it's the whole beacon thing, I dunno. I know it's hard to get away from sounding cliche, (I get criticized for it all the time), so I guess this is pretty good. 8
From the point of view of the the hero of the story, I feel for them. Perhaps it's just me but I feel love does extinguish. This piece gives me an emotional reaction, and that's what I look for in a poem.
goddamn it shelby why do you have to be so good at this stuff?
its beautiful by the way ... as usual
i don't really like the flow of it as a poem, but as a song it works wonderfully.
so i like it because i'm considering that. and cos i'm not like some bitchy english teacher or something. nice work, man.
i have always loved this one.
I like it as a poem. Not too sure as a song, I've never heard anything like it. Rock-ish or mellow sounding music doesn't quite seem to fit with this.
I've never read so much bullshit in my entire life yo dirty lil hoe. You wanna fuck with cassie and adie, your gonna have to get through me first you stupid bitch. Oh glorious star....bitch you don't know how to even right....I will burn deep into the night. But I know our love will never extinguish....The man probably left you for the girl next door, he was probably even fucking your mom. Just a tip...write something we all care about...like how big a hoebag you are.
Hip Hip Hooray!
those are some randomly vague insults there! but you really told me. Im so sad now. fucking my mother?! why, I havent heard that in at least a few years. you are genius.
I dont even like this that much, I think it sucks.
but great job stickin it to me!
nice. i like how you are consistent with space metaphor. the format, will comment on, because it fits the content perfectly. (in other words nice free verse.) i like this for many reasons, most in which i won't name, simply for sheer privacy in my positive feelings of this ... but i will say that the poems is well rounded, in that it delivers it's message without too many words.