Sometimes I switch into a dwelling mode
Searching for a purpose amongst my enemies
Every man is an artist
Some carry a heavy load
I’ll use mine to try and paint you a masterpiece
Lost in the maze of pity
I search for love in unholy places
Getting drunk with enmity
Rather welcoming these oblivious disgraces
Peace of mind is my only desire
I am addicted
To get it I will walk through any fire
No matter where or how restricted
I need release
I am ashamed of defeat
But loneliness is a thief
It lies and cheats
Tempted, I fall into selfish shame
I carefully tread the water
Breathing becomes the most important sound
The outcome always stays the same
I drown.

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  1. “Peace of mind is my only desire
    I am addicted
    To get it I will walk through any fire”

    This reminds me of Hendrix (in a good way):
    “I have only one burning desire.
    Let me stand next to your fire.”

    Really love the feel of this, and I can feel the force of the ending. I do wish for a little more concrete imagery here, something more to latch onto in the poem. “Oblivious disgrace,” “selfish shame”—these abstractions hold a meaning to you that may not fully translate to readers. I love the line “I search for love in unholy places.” That’s a universal line we can probably all relate to.

    1. Thank you. I remember the day I wrote this. I was between a group of people and I suddenly felt the urge overwhelm me. I needed to explain something to myself and 5 minutes later this was the result. It’s been 9 years since, and I’m glad to say that since understanding it, I’ve manage to stay ahead of it 😉 #sober