|Where is God?|
The liquid flows into my veins like an icy flood
Tensing my muscles and burning my flesh
Like many needles pricking my tendons and skin.
I close my eyes and swear imagination.
As it reaches my heart it gives a flutter and a pinch
As if to say “not yet, but soon”
I pray but I do not see god.
My neck twitches and my face convulses
As small insects swarm inside face devouring away
I can’t see this but that doesn’t stop them
Gasps of air held in my lungs
And even though I cough and beg
It won’t release its grasp of my throat
Now they don’t hear me because I can’t speak.
I plunge and drown in darkness deep with in the mind
What was to heal me has turned against me
It has no mind but my own bidding my body do its will
Consciousness brings new meaning as I fight back
Moments of clarity envelop me where I see around
There’s a priest over me praying
But somehow I don’t see god.
Thoughts swarm me in my night
Of me and the biological beast doing battle
Of all I am made of I can’t beat it.
It mocks and chuckles at me
And tells me of all the things and people I’ve wronged
I’m aware of the end just not ready
But how can you be?
In a small room with one bed and one TV
I slide back into flesh
Breath is fresher and cooler then ever before
The bed is softer then anything I’ve ever felt
I smell the room and even though it’s a hospital
It smells greater then anything I’ve ever encountered
And there I saw god.
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