I've lost a thousand pens and most of my mind
Spent all of my money and wasted my time
keep makin plans to do better
but only end up worse
two steps from death with one foot in a hearse.
Can't hold a job, I'm a fuckin slob
Scammed all of my friends-given the chance i'd do it again.
Too insecure to admit what i feel
too damn proud to sit down and talk
Can't get motivated enough to change my life
Every girl I've been with acts like she's my fuckin wife.
Can't take the commitment too scared of that shit.
Last thing I want is a relationship (or is it the first?)
Yet my friends(such as they are) think I'm great.
mom and dad couldn't be happier about the life that i've made
Confidence and self-esteem? Bullshit!
Just a good actor playing the part that i was born into
Can't change all the bad shit, most of the good is tainted.
Righteous and morally balanced? Yeah right!
How about conniving, shallow,and hypocritical?
The words pathological liar come to mind.
split personality? Nope.
Just shades of how I'd really like to be.
Can't say that i found God.Never knew i had to.
You want to talk about turmoil and mass confusion? No such thing as a moment of clarity.
Stripped bare i'd be an outcast-Hideous to look at yet pitiful.
Self-delusional? Probably. But who isn't?
Live in my world, can't stand still.
Welcome to my personal Hell.
But I'm not bad at heart,just gotten good at getting what i want from people.
Hiding emotions to preserve self worth...something like that.
People like me need warning labels-Danger Will Robinson!
Hot to the Touch.
or some other shit that means just as much.
Drunk on my own greed and lust,I've become as powerful as a fucking bus.
And who knew that this good lil' mama's boy would grow up to treat women like his personal toys?
Am i just maddened by this vision of self?
And if its that then what the hell else
could drive me mad like this;
making my mind constantly pissed?
Can't trust my family, they've already turned.
Definitely can't cross those bridges i've burned.
Loathed and Feared.
Its no wonder i drown myself in all those beers.Wont turn to drugs, not takin the chance. Fuck all that i'd rather shit in my pants.
But what the hell I'm only 22- so much more in my life to do.
Does it all get better as the days go by?
If not I think I'll sit down and cry.
just livin this life one day at a time...
just wanting to leave all of this pain behind.
(comment on this poem)